We love making verbs out of nouns in English. Were you aware of that? It's true. Texting. Vacationing. Bookmarking. Blanketing. You get the idea. For me, I've been hermitting this past week.
Now, I love me some hermit time, I'm a dedicated introvert who loves her down time. But this past week it's because I'm wrung-out exhausted. There's of course the state of the world and it's horrors, never far from our fingertips. There's an election (Keep Kamala and Carry On-Ala) that has put everyone on edge (including other countries). I had a new roof being put on (thump thump, hammer hammer, pound pound ~ my gawd the noise, but also, gratitude). And I have my sweet dog Maggie on hospice (or as someone loving referred to it, "pawspice").
It's usually my favorite week of the year, Halloween, Samhain, DÃa de Muertos, All Hallows' Eve... so many fun and profound moments that happen during this time of the year. But I sat it out for the most part, canceling plans, staying home, hiding under the covers. Or, I guess I just experienced it a different way.
In all my down time I leaned in to the things that would nourish me and sooth my frayed nerves. I journaled a lot, I watched a couple movies, I created pages in an art journal, and I slept a lot. But I also did things that weren't good for me because I'm human after all, I didn't do any yoga or go to the gym, I drank more wine than usual, and I caved in and bought Halloween candy that was on sale. These days the combination of alcohol and over-processed sugar really doesn't do well in my body and I'll be paying for it later. But I'll give myself some grace too and not add berating myself to that list of things that aren't good for me.
Back to the topic of hermitting, I recently read the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain. It came out in 2012 I believe, and though I've known about it for many years ~ so many have recommended that I read it ~ I figured I didn't need to, since I LIVE it everyday. But I'm glad I finally read it, I felt validated in all that it means to be an introvert in an extroverted world (well, in the US at any rate).
What it brings up is how to balance this inclination of mine for hermit time, for recharging my batteries, versus putting myself out there as an artist and entrepreneur. There are a million and one models of how to do those two things in extroverted ways (for example, lots of visibility and constant availability on social media), but it's much harder to find examples of folks doing it in a quieter way. Which is, of course, the very nature of introverts, why would they be exposing themselves and their lives all over the place? Oh, the maddening irony of it all.
For the most part I'd much rather be alone in my studio making art than doing anything else. Yet there is this voice within, it's always been there ~ and I have so many life experiences where it has played out ~ that I need to be "teaching" in some way. As much as one part of me has tried to avoid it, there's another part of that keeps putting myself in these exact kinds of scenarios. It may sound like I've had little or no say about how my life has gone, but I truly believe that at a soul level, we're here to experience certain things that just don't make sense at the rational, logical level. My brain says stay home, my soul says let's get out there and make a difference! Oye.
I'm writing about this because I know I'm not alone. Whether it's introversion or something else, I know others struggle with this too, the yearning for one thing but the calling of another, and how do we balance that? If you have an answer or thoughts on this I'd love to know!
I'm also pondering this because I just completed a 6-month long teacher training course that was absolutely transformative (I'm now certified as a Facilitator of Intuitive Painting and the Expressive Arts, thank you very much) and it has had me wondering about how to put all that I learned into practice in the best way that matches my personality, temperament and heart's desires. You know, no big deal. Ha.
So I've been pondering all my hermitty tendencies in light of this. I'd much rather not be exhausted by life and feel the need to hermit, I prefer hermitting as something to look forward to. But by necessity this past week, I've leaned into it with abandon. Coming back out of my cave is going to be tricky. It's so nice and cozy in here. Yet I have all these visions and dreams and adventures that await. And let's be real, a living that I must earn too. Why, oh why can't we have a world that pays you to stay home and make art?!
(It should go without saying, but I will say it here anyway, what I mean by that is being an artist without all the hustle and drive that are also necessary if one wants to eat and keep a roof over one's head).
But also? I'm pretty excited about some very non-hermitty things that I'm brewing up over here. I have every intent of putting that teaching certificate into very good use. And I have some mad plans for week-long retreats for women that are going to be so amazing ~ 2025 is going to be brilliant. So despite all my introverted tendencies, I also have work to do in this world, despite the clarion call of the hermitty cave.
Watch out, here I come ~ once I get myself out of this cave. Oh, and welcome to the madness that it is to be me. Thanks for coming along for the ride.
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