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Do What You Love?

"Do what you love and the money follows." Oh. If only it were so easy! Ha. No, it also takes some determination, elbow grease, practical skills, and chutzpah. And so much more.

Ask me how I know.

I'm coming up on a year from taking that huge leap and leaving my full time job of 21 years. I have a lot to show from this first year of pursuing what I love. Lots of successes, lots of lessons, gifts, insights, do-overs, and new connections. I do not however have a million dollars in the bank. Still working out the details on that. (I'll keep you posted. Ha.)

Now, not every moment can be filled with only what I love. On any given day I am an artist, bookkeeper, blogger, event planner, purchaser, social media coordinator ~ an entire marketing department if we want to be real, finance director, website manager, program manager AND coordinator, and administrative assistant. (and a few more I'm sure I'm forgetting). It's a lot to wrap my head around. I anticipated all of this. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I jumped off that cliff. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But there are definitely hard days and they aren't hard because of what I thought would be difficult (marketing for example). I'm learning all about all the well-known entrepreneurial skills needed and am fine tuning as I go. What challenges me the most though is to know what exactly it is I love to do. I thought I had that part all figured out

Turns out I don't. Yikes.

I've spent years filling journal upon journal, vision board upon vision board of what I'd love to be doing in this world. I set out on the right livelihood path in my late 20's and figured I'd never look back. Sure I've changed course a couple times over the last 25 years, but I've just been honing in on what really fills my soul, peeling off the outer layers to get to the core of who I am. After all that time invested in figuring out my superpowers ~ again and again I got the same results ~ it was clear as day, making art and teaching.

But teaching what?! Well, art of course. Ah, but this is where the wobble comes in. I thought I knew. This time last year I had a very solid vision of what that would be. But much to my immense surprise, it hasn't been exactly right. With each workshop I've taught, I've come away taking a really hard long look at what I loved to teach ~ or didn't ~ about each one. Was it personal growth and personality types? Was it the process of creating art itself, art for art's sake? Was it connecting the creative process to a spiritual path? Was it hosting events where folks could connect with others and be creative but without that workshop feel?

It's vulnerable to type all this out. This process of my own self-discovery. "What's she even doing," I imagine people asking. Well, I'm doing some hard work. I AM questioning everything (that's not something most people are comfortable with). I AM trying it all. And I'm listening to that inner voice that's telling me to keep going, keep trying those new things, keep peeling away the layers of what's not me, and keep discovering what IS me.

There's this other thing too. As I try out new ideas to teach I inevitably meet up with the voice that says to me, "You're an imposter, who do you think you are to teach THAT? What could you possibly know about that?" You may be familiar with that voice yourself. It's deafening and relentless.

Fortunately I have a little bit of immunity built up to that voice. And some very good friends in my circle that remind me of who I am when I forget. So I rally and continue going towards what I love, trying out new ideas, seeing what sticks. But I'm realizing that this may be a process that is never done, that I will do for the rest of my working days. And that's okay. Because I will grow and change and evolve until my last breath. Without a doubt (I know myself well).

One subject of interest that I didn't see coming as something I'd share with others was my love of tarot cards. I've been pulling cards and doing spreads for over 25 years. But I've never ever thought about being someone that would do tarot readings for anyone else. This has always been my own personal, private thing that I do. It's a way to learn more about myself and to help me navigate the ups and downs of life. (It's never been about predicting the future and fortune telling.) And yet I keep getting asked about this. About helping others to learn about the cards and how to use them for their own personal growth. Who knew? Sometimes, what we love most is also what we're really good at. And that we're better at it than we think. But it surprises us that others think so too.

So this may be a future direction for me. We'll see. Time will tell. I'm staying open and curious. Typing away about all of this right here is helping me to step back from it and observe it. See where it lands. So I appreciate you reading along all this way.

Maybe I'll pull a card about it and see what I learn. <grin>

Stay curious my friends, stay curious.


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